Every morning I would wake up with the hopes that the inflammation has gone down. As much as I wanted to avoid the mirror, I couldn’t stop staring at myself. My cheeks no longer looked normal. I looked like a monster with how inflamed, red, and bumpy my skin was. I dreaded going to school. I knew they only looked at my cheeks, nothing else. I felt deformed. No makeup could ever cover this up, as much as I tried. It was mentally and physically painful to smile.
My depression at that time was at a peak. I had just moved back to Hawai’i after living in Tokyo, Japan for 2 years. I spent a lot of time in Tokyo smoking cigarettes and drinking. I was a young, depressed delinquent. I believe that was a huge factor when it came to my skin issues. Mixing alcohol and nicotine, while going through puberty and depression.. Was the worst thing to put myself through; mentally and physically.
My mother took me to a few dermatologists – which they first put me on birth control to stabilize my hormones. I didn’t see a difference in my skin at all. They prescribed a few different topical treatments, one for the morning and one for the night. In the morning I applied Aczone 5%, which is a dapsone gel. I don’t remember the name of the brand that I applied at night, but it was a stronger topical. The two topicals somewhat helped but didn’t help lessen the amount of cystic acne I had on my cheeks. My mother ordered me Proactive. I tried it out for a few weeks and felt like there was a positive change, but my skin, unfortunately, got even worse. I started to become more depressed and began losing hope.
My mother began to worry and took me back to the dermatologist to get a stronger medication. They finally prescribed me an oral medication; Doxycycline. Doxycycline is used to treat moderate to severe acne that isn’t getting better with other products. This was pretty much my last resort.
It was a hard process. The pill made me sick to my stomach. I would throw up and feel nauseous every day. But after two weeks, for the first time ever, I started to see change. I documented my skin progress every week, and it made me feel a lot better about myself. I was on the verge of losing hope, but seeing my cheeks slowly beginning to look normal again, made me feel relieved. I continued taking Doxycycline for a while until I felt I saw actual results.
Putting my skin through so many different chemicals throughout the years has made my skin extremely sensitive, and I deal with that consequence today. I squeezed, scratched, popped so many of my pimples that it left deep scars. After my cystic acne calmed down, I stopped taking Doxycycline and continued the topical treatments. My skin would still break out, but the cheek inflammation stopped entirely which I was extremely grateful for. But I began to freak out whenever I found a few pimples on my face. I started to become obsessive over my face, and that actually caused me to break out more because of the stress I was bringing on to myself.
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Today, I have never been more proud of how much my skin has improved. Now that I am older, I have researched so many different products that are good for my acne-prone skin, acne scars, and more natural products to use instead of constant chemicals.
I still break out, I still freak out, but I remember the days when I had it much worse. I used to never be able to leave the house with no makeup, and if I did, I avoided eye contact and kept my head down. Today, I never care to wear makeup and flaunt my fresh face everywhere. I still get insecure, I still stress over my skin, but I am really proud of myself and this painful journey I have gone through. It made me stronger, and taught me patience is key. I want to let anyone who is dealing with skin problems and insecurities know that it will eventually get better. It’s a long and painful journey, but do not give up. Do your research, and find what is right for you. Acne or no acne, scars or no scars, you are you and that is the most beautiful thing to bring into this world.
I made a list of products that I adore. Please do your research before you try these products, every skin reacts differently!
I actually recently discovered this product, and it is one of the best masks I have ever tried. It is an exfoliating mask that is formulated with natural pumpkin enzymes, and AHA glycolic acids. It is a mask that helps fade your scars by focusing on the hyperpigmentation on your skin. I noticed it helps with pimples as well. When I first applied, my face started to sting and tingle like crazy. Honestly it hurt a lot and I felt my face getting hot. But that only lasted for a minute or two. After I washed it off, my skin felt so soft and clean. I went to work the next day and my colleagues said my face was glowing. A great compliment received only after one time using this mask. I highly recommend it!
I never used a toner until three months ago. I was using Glossier’s Exfoliating Skin Perfector for a few years and realized It wasn’t doing anything for my skin anymore. I needed a change. This toner has changed my life. It has made my skin feel more firm and smooth after just one week of applying. Most of the ingredients in this toner are fermented, which helps lock in moisture. All of the ingredients are natural and cruelty-free. Since it helps with pigmentation and pimples, I apply it morning and night. I read that it can be harsh for some people, so start slow. I promise you will not regret trying this!
Thank you for reading, Bloomers.
Keep on bloomin’.
Xx
She Blooms In June - by Lilia 