Hello guys –

Today I wanted to talk about insecurities and low self esteem. I’m sure you all have many different things you do not like about yourself or want to change – today i’m going to discuss mine. Unfortunately this is not a fashion article, but I hope this will help you in a more personal way.

I have been dealing with acne probably since middle school – which of course everyone deals with because of stupid puberty. But it got severe when I was in sophomore year of high school. There were many root problems to why it got severe: 1. Puberty (damn you!) 2. Bad habits (cigarettes, alcohol, eating terrible, always staying up late) 3. Depression + stress. Now to explain 2 and 3 – I lived in Japan and went to international school so I did smoke and drink alcohol at a very young age.. everyone was doing it and I thought it was cool to be honest. I wanted to fit in since I did not have friends and it was a lot of fun at that time. I was barely home and sometimes would stay up all night with my friends and never slept. With my depression, it was constantly there. But when I made friends in Tokyo and was having a blast – I was truly happy. Then my time in Tokyo came to an end and I had to move back home to Hawaii. That is when the depression came back in full spin. I was crying every night, smoking almost a pack a day.. I was a hot mess. What made it worse was that I had to show face to my friends back in Hawaii after 2 years and I looked like I got bit by 100 bees all at once. It made my depression a lot worse, and my skin got worse day after day. My mother took me to a dermatologist and we tried many different topical’s but nothing really worked. I started to take antibiotics to kill the bacteria on my face internally. It was so strong that somedays I would throw up, have drowsiness, loss of appetite, etc. It was a horrible time but I fought through the pain because I just wanted to feel pretty again. I hated going to school because no matter how much make up I put on it’ll still show the bumps and I felt like everyone was just making fun of me.

After a few months later – my skin finally started to calm down – No more cystic acne covering my cheeks. The only thing that was left was the scarring. I still have the scarring and it sucks, but it definitely faded away since 3 years ago. I only dealt with small pimples time to time. I wasn’t satisfied but was content with how I looked.

Fast forward to today – It is back to being bad again. Not as bad as my sophomore year – but I haven’t dealt with this much acne since 2 years ago. It all started to get bad when this year started so about 6 months ago. Right now it is at its worst since 2018 started. What’s weird is that I have been feeling a lot more happier and content with my life lately, and there should be no reason to why it is this bad. That is when the stress comes in: What am I possibly doing wrong?  Then I start to compare my skin to everyone else. Why do they get to have nice skin and I don’t? I already dealt with acne, what did I do to deserve this? The reason why I decided to write about this today is because my friend invited me to go out with them tonight. Of course I wanted to go since I haven’t been out at night with them in a very long time. But there was 3 reasons: 1. I only have $30 in my bank account until I get paid. 2. I have to go home to take care of my puppy. 3. I feel too ugly to go out. Honestly the main reason why I turned down the invitation was because of my insecurity. I don’t want people to see me with my face looking like this again. The thoughts I had in sophomore year was coming back and it honestly made me really sad. After 4 years i’m back feeling the same way.. it’s not fair. My friends and my boyfriend tell me “It’s not even bad! You’re beautiful!” And don’t get me wrong I really do appreciate that but I can’t help the way I feel. I’ve been dealing with this problem for so long that I’m exhausted.

I believe the true problem to low self esteem and comparing yourself to others is because of social media and how this world defines the words “beautiful” and “pretty”. Only tall, skinny, and faces that have no blemishes can be the definition of models. It has been like this since I can recall. Now in our generation today – plus-size models have been accepted and it’s so amazing! But people with skin problems? No. You see models out here getting plastic surgery on their face, photoshopping their bodies and lying about it. “It’s just weight-loss” they all say. How does that make young girls that look up to them feel? It honestly is very disappointing.

How to Try and Overcome Them

When you’ve been dealing with your insecurities for as long as you can remember – there’s really only 2 ways to go from there: To either keep trying or give up and accept that it’ll be like this forever. Now, I’ve tried both. For a second I was about to just give up and just be depressed about my skin and continue to feel sorry for myself, again. But where is the fun in that? Why would you want to accept you are going to be ugly forever? That’s just negative and won’t get you anywhere in life.  So, I snapped out of it and here I am – Writing to you guys. This motto isn’t only for your insecurities – it’s for all of your life decisions. Are you going to keep trying even though you got turned down at your dream job? Or just give up? Hell to the no! Keep trying because hard work really does pay off.

Remember guys – you only live once. So stop thinking about what you don’t like about yourself! Why would you want to spend your precious time being alive focusing on what is bringing you down? The more you think about it – the more you will stress and it’ll end up making it worse. Especially with acne.

I know this is one of the hardest part – But please try your best and stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone is different. Everyone has different body shapes, skin conditions..everyone is different. It can all come down to genetics and what’s the point of blaming your family. This is who YOU are. Learn to accept yourself because constantly trying to run away from your flaws is just going to stress you out more – and you’ll end up like me in a bubble of sadness. You don’t want that!

Hope you enjoyed my story and please try your best to overcome your insecurity! I promise – you are not alone and I am trying my best just like you are.

Keep on blooming, bloomers. You are beautiful.

xx